To all adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, and anyone who has ever even considered adoption...

I am posting this on my blog in order to share it further. I believe that this letter is open, truthful and fair and deserves to be read and taken seriously. It was not written by me, it was written by a fellow adoptee who has given permission for it to be posted as she too, believes that its message is incredibly important in a world that believes adoption is nothing but rainbows and butterflies. Massive thanks have to go out to her for writing this.


Recently I have been trying to be more honest about the realities of adoption for all involved and am very grateful for the honesty of others and the amazing network of adult adoptees who work so hard getting our messages across and fighting for adoptee rights across the world. 


Unfortunately our message is often branded as bitter and blamed on a poor adoption experience. I would like to state for the record that my adoption experience has been as close to perfect as one can get, I have an amazing adoptive family and my reunion with my natural family has been so far very successful. I am not bitter, ungrateful or trying to upset any potential/existing adoptive parents. I am simply speaking the truth. I have lived and breathed adoption my entire life, I am speaking from experience in the hope that fellow adoptees will know they're not alone, adoptive parents can better understand what their children are going through and that mothers thinking of relinquishment may reconsider their other options.


I would not have posted this here it I did not agree with it. The words are not my own but I feel they eloquently convey a message which needs to be shared. I will say no more because this letter says it all. 






To all adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, and anyone who has ever even considered adoption:

Being adopted hurts.  Being adopted is hard.  It is not beautiful; it is brutal, it is tragic, it is a cause for great sadness. For in order for a child to even be available for adoption, that child must first go through some sort of tragedy; whether that be abuse, hunger, homelessness, neglect, or even the simple fact that he or she is losing the life and family he or she was born into.  This makes adoption a thing to mourn; not a cause for celebration or joy.  To be joyful about adopting a child is to be glad that this tragedy happened.

I don't think there's a soul alive who would actually choose to be born into a situation where being relinquished for adoption, voluntarily or otherwise, was necessary.  

Of course there will always be a need for children to be removed from their parent(s) and placed in safer, more stable, loving homes - but please understand that no matter how good and loving and wonderful the adopting parents are, nothing will ever erase the pain, the grief, and the loss that comes with being adopted.

The very foundation of adoption is that of loss - a child loses his or her mother, father, and entire family; a mother, father and family loses one of their children.  And, yes, even a loss for the adopting parent - sometimes the loss of the expectation of having their own, biological offspring, the loss of a dream of having a baby of "their own."  A separation of one family MUST occur before a new one can be built through adoption.  Maybe it isn't a voluntary destruction, maybe the destruction is necessary for the health and safety of the child - but it is still a destruction of the very core, fundamental foundations of that child's life that will forever be altered.

Think of it this way...one of your parents dies, and your surviving parent eventually goes on to remarry.  Though you might grow to love and have a great relationship with your parent's new spouse, no amount of love and happiness in this present situation will erase the grief you feel over the loss of your other parent.  So please, if you have adopted or are considering adoption, keep this in mind.  

Adoption should be the very last resort after all other options have been tried.  Ask yourself this - does an adoption HAVE to happen?  Is there anything I can possibly do to help this young mother keep her child?  Are there resources I can direct her to, items I can supply her with, can I offer her the support and encouragement she needs to be a good parent?  If so, then pursuing adoption is not the right choice.  Too many unnecessary adoptions happen as a permanent solution to a very temporary problem.  Adoption, after all, is forever - while a current living situation, job situation, etc., is temporary and can be changed and improved.  Most women who relinquish their children do so because they feel they have no other choice...but what if she does have another choice, and only needs the support and encouragement to make it?

Adopted people know we are a second choice, a "Plan B," a solution to someone else's problem.  While there are some people out there who would choose adoption first, most only do so after failed attempts at pregnancy or to "complete" a family of all boys or girls or to give their current child a sibling.  Adding to your family through adoption should never be about meeting some need of your own...it should always and only ever be about providing for the CHILD'S needs.  Please don't put the added pressure on an adopted child by forcing them to live up to the unspoken standard of the child you couldn't concieve or the son or daughter you couldn't produce.  Adoption is not a cure for infertility, nor are adopted people "gifts" to be passed around in order to complete somebody else's life.  We are human beings in our own right, with our own feelings, needs, and wants.  Don't add to an already painful situation by expecting us to be something we weren't born to be.

Please be willing to be completely open and honest with the child you may someday adopt.  It doesn't matter how horrible of a situation they came out of; tell them the truth, and tell them early.  For the truth can be dealt with, it can be processed and closure can be found; but nobody can get closure from fantasies and daydreams.  Adopted people are stronger than you give them credit for; believe me when I say, we imagine and prepare for every possible scenario when it comes to our families or origin.  Don't think we haven't entertained the idea that our biological parents were the worst of the worst, or idealized them as some sort of saintly creatures, and everything in between.  We have already survived the loss of our original families; don't for one minute think we can't survive knowing the reason why.  And on that note, if an adopted person ever chooses to search, reunite, or just know more about their family of origin, don't guilt them into not doing it or make them feel beholden to you.  It has NOTHING to do with you.  NOTHING.  Human beings are born with an innate curiosity about who and where we come from.  For some adopted people to feel whole, they need to know their own personal history and explore their roots.  There's nothing wrong with that.  After all, you, as the parent, are responsible for your adopted child's happiness and well being...not the other way around.  Swallow your pride, put away your jealousy, and support your adopted child in any quest for truth they may wish to undertake.  Believe me, they will thank you for it.

Don't fall into the terminology trap.  Adoptees know they have more than one set of parents...two that created them, and the parent(s) who are raising them.  ALL are real to the adoptee.  Don't get caught up in who is "real" and who is more important; let your adopted child choose the terminology that suits THEM.  If you have been a good and loving parent, that's all you need.  Besides, a parent can love more than one child, so why can't a child be allowed to love more than one parent?  The heart has an infinite capability to love.  Don't begrudge your adopted child the possibility of loving people he or she may not even remember.  

And don't disparage the biological parents or family either.  They may be evil people, the scum of the earth...but to say anything bad about the biological family is the same as saying something bad about your adopted child.  The child did come from these people, after all; and better or worse we did inherit parts of ourselves from them.  The old saying applies here more than anywhere else...if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Adopted people experience a range of issues from having been adopted...many suffer from the fear of rejection and abaondonment, have problems trusting others and forming relationships.  After all, our very mothers could walk away from us, so what's to stop anyone else?  Though not all adoptees experience these, many do, and to varying degrees.  Just because the adopted person in your life hasn't mentioned it, don't think they don't feel it.  Many will never, ever talk about their negative adoption issues for those exact reasons...fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, and just the overwhelmingly negative response they expect.  If the adopted person in your life (your child, a friend or other family member) ever does talk about it, take your personal feelings and judgments out of it.  Resist the temptation to say things like, "But you had such wonderful [adoptive] parents!" or "but you could have been aborted/thrown in a dumpster/etc.!"  Adoptees are the only subset of society who are wholly expected to be grateful for our very lives, and with this expectation comes the need to try to suppress any negative emotion or feeling.  Most adoptees won't even admit to themselves, let alone other people, that they are hurting.  After all, we got this "better life," didn't we?  We don't have the RIGHT to feel sad/angry/depressed.  So many adoptees choose to stay silent and instead live a lie.

And, yes, that goes hand-in-hand with the child-parent relationship thing...remember, the PARENT is repsonsible for the health and well being of the CHILD, NOT the other way around.  Only in adoption are adoptees somehow expected to always be careful not to "hurt" their adoptive parents; not to rock the boat or bring up something about their adoption because their PARENTS might not like it.  This is another reason so many adopted people don't speak about adoption...we are afraid of hurting our adoptive parents.  I know that as a parent myself, I would never expect my children to be responsible for my well-being...so please, don't ever place that expectation on adopted people either.  After all, their adoptive parents WANTED to adopt, they WANTED a child, and chose this path for themselves.  The adoptee most often did not choose it and had no say in the matter.  Don't expect gratitude.  ANYONE could have been aborted, could have been abandoned, could have been abused.  These are not phenomena that are solely related to adoptees.  Just because a person was adopted doesn't automatically mean they were unwanted, that they "could have been" anything...they are just people who are being raised by a different family and are living a DIFFERENT life, not necessarily a better one.

Please, if you are considering adoption or have already, educate yourself.  Read books such as the Primal Wound.  Read blogs by adopted people and relinquishing parents.  Go into it with an open mind and open heart.  Understand that there is the very real potential that the child you someday adopt might just struggle with it.  And while you can be a terrific parent, a wonderful guide and mentor, the damage has already been done.  Be prepared to do the hard work of helping your child deal with any grief, anger, and other issues he/she may feel.  TALK to them about it.  Adoptees are notorious for keeping things bottled up...let them know it's OK to talk with you about them.  Reassure them that you will NOT be hurt, offended or damaged by their feelings.  ALLOW them the freedom to feel whatever they feel.  

If you are considering an open adoption or have entered into an open adoption, HONOR that.  Unless there is some clear and present danger to the life of your child, KEEP THE COMMUNICATION OPEN.  Don't cease contact with the biological family because it's an inconvenience for YOU.  Understand that yes, at times it might be emotionally trying for your adopted child, your child may come away from visits or reading letters and feel depressed and angry, but don't take that as a reason to cease contact.  TALK to your child. Help them understand WHY they are feeling this way.  It's only natural that this might happen; and in the same breath, the biological mother/father/family may also feel overwhelmed at times and pull back, but do what you can to keep the lines of communication open.  Remember, adoption is based on loss, and being reminded of that loss can be overwhelming.  But that doesn't mean it should be avoided.  Your adopted child will thank you someday for sacrificing your own happiness and comfort to allow him/her to keep this very important connection.

Try not to make a big celebration out of your child's adoption day (and PLEASE don't EVER use the horribly offensive and insensitive term "Gotcha Day).  The same goes for birthdays.  For while it may be a happy occasion to remember, keep in mind that it also marks the day that the adopted person was permanently and forever separated from their mother, their father, their original family.  Birthdays are especially hard; for most adoptees have the knowldedge that our births were not cause for celebration; nobody was bringing our mothers flowers and balloons and offering congratulations; our entrance into this world was one of sadness and trepidation.  And it marks the day we were phyisically separated from our mothers; for many of us, it was the last time we ever saw her.  So if the adoptee in your life withdraws around his or her birthday or doesn't appear to like celebrating, respect that.  Understand that to many of us, it is not a cause for celebration.

I am not trying to tell anyone not to adopt.  I am not saying, "shame on you" to anyone who already has adopted.  What I am saying is, please step back and really think long and hard about the ramifications of adoption on the very person who is at the center of it all - the child you hope for or the child you have brought into your home.  Be ready and willing to put a lot of hard work into helping this adopted child heal, to feel whole and complete in themselves.  Be prepared to put your own needs and wants on the shelf and to put away your expectations, do what it takes to attend to the needs of your adopted child.  All the love in the world, all the toys and gadgets and material things you might provide will never replace or erase what was lost.

Family preservation should always be the goal.  Adoption should never, ever be utilized unless it is the last and only option left.  Because adoption should be about finding homes for children in need; NOT finding children for people to fill a need.  Jesus commanded us to help the orphan AND the widow...we as a society should do more to help famlies stay together instead of tearing them apart.  Nobody really wants to be adopted...if given a choice, they'd rather their family situations could improve so that they wouldn't have to be separated.  Would YOU have liked it if your mother gave you away?

Sincerely,
An adut adoptee

Baby Emma Wyatt

I would like to add my voice to support John Wyatt's fight to overturn the adoption of his daughter. As an adult adoptee I know the pain of growing up away from your natural family and I am a firm believer in family preservation. It is clear to me that the rightful place for Emma is with her natural father. In this situation her adoptive parents are no better than kidnappers. They know full well that John has always wanted to parent his own daughter and yet they continue to fight him and deny his access to Emma. If this is allowed to continue I am without any doubt that Emma will grow up to resent her adoptive parents for this gross injustice.I am appalled that Utah state has rejected John Wyatt's attempt to overturn this illegal adoption of his daughter. I know that I am not alone in this opinion as there are many supporters for this campaign. If you agree that this is unfair and unjust and a violation of both Emma and John's human rights, click the banner above to visit the official website for baby Emma to find details of who you can write to urge them to return Emma to her father.

In my opinion these adoptive parents are unfit as they clearly do not care about what is best for Emma. They are only causing more damage to an adoptive daughter they claim to love by fighting this. They are selfish and so blinded by their desperation to parent that they have lost sight of what is right and what is best for Emma. I have no sympathy for them as they should have returned Emma the second they found out that her natural father opposed the adoption and wanted to parent his own daughter.

This case is very similar to that of Grayson Vaughn, who's adoptive parents fought for years to keep him and deny his natural father's right to raise him. Thank goodness that justice was achieved in this situation and Grayson was returned to his father, unfortunately it took three years for this to happen. The adoptive parents are again to blame here for the damage caused to Grayson being taken away from the only family he has known. They knew full well, like Emma's parents, that his father opposed the adoption and yet they chose to fight it and prolong the period of separation between father and son. This is selfish and wrong. People like the Vaughns and Emma Wyatt's adoptive parents disgust me. This should not be allowed to happen and I was delighted to hear that the Vaughns now owe Ben (Grayson's natural father) over 1 million dollars in damages. These damages can never replace the lost years for Ben and his son, but they are a step closer to justice. Hopefully this will put off any other adoptive parents in the future from denying natural parent's rights to their own children. 

So Obama has a birth certificate? Lucky him.

To Whomsoever it may concern,

I am glad that President Obama was able to obtain a copy of his Original Birth Certificate to prove that he was born in the United States.

However, if President Obama had been born AND ADOPTED in the United States, he still would NOT be able to produce his Original Birth Certificate for the public or even for his own viewing.  By law, he would only be able to produce an "Amended Birth Certificate".  (An Amended Birth Certificate is issued at the finalization of a person's adoption.  This "birth certificate" replaces a person's birth name with a new name and his/her natural parents' names/info. with his adoptive parents names/info  Once an ABC is issued, a person is kept from viewing/possessing their truthful documentation of birth.  His/her Original Birth Certificate is sealed FOREVER.)

I wish President Obama had been adopted so that the country could see how discriminatory it is to seal an adopted person's birth certificate and replace it with a falsified one.

"We're not going to be able to do it if we just make stuff up and pretend that facts are not facts."-President Barack Obama, 3/27/2011

Sincerely,
An angry adoptee. 


I did not write this letter. It was written by a fellow adoptee, who is angry for a very good reason. We have a few things in common, we both care about animal rights and adoptee rights. We were both relinquished for adoption and raised by people other than our biological parents. But here's where the similarities end. Being lucky enough to live in the UK I have access to my original birth certificate. As she, and millions of others live in the US they do not. This is because of an outdated and frankly outrageous piece of legislation which has the birth certificates of adopted people sealed away FOREVER. Adoptees are issued with a falsified certificate, which according to wikipedia is to protect them from the 'shame of their illegitimate birth.' Ha. Well I'm not ashamed of my illegitimate birth actually and if I was American I'd be more ashamed that my own country denied me the right to know where I came from.


If you are a reasonable human being I am sure that you will agree that denying these people their original birth certificate is a violation of their human rights. In some cases it stops them being able to get a passport and clearly they wouldn't be able to be president if that means they have to produce a document which is currently denied to them. Even though I am technically unaffected by this disgusting outrage, I will not stand by and say nothing. I want my fellow adoptees to have EQUAL ACCESS and EQUAL RIGHTS, because that is what they deserve.


Obama says he has better stuff to do than show off his birth certificate. Hopefully this includes releasing those of many of his fellow Americans. To be honest I'm not Obama's biggest fan, but this could change if he would just WAKE UP and see that he is leading a country which denies its own people some of their most basic human rights and that he needs to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.


All credit to Mara, the 'angry adoptee' who's great letter I am sharing with you. Feel free to issue this to anyone you see fit and spread the word. As I am not in America sending it in to my local paper is not going to generate much response, but if any Americans who share my outrage do so I'm sure it would be a great help to the cause.

Living in Fear.

Last night I was scared. This isn't a rare occurrence, in fact, whenever I sleep alone I tend to pull a 'Busted' number . I have an over active imagination and have probably watched too many horror films and murder mysteries. Anyway, it was past midnight and there I was looking up self defence classes, which made me think; am I letting my fears get out of hand? I'm going to go ahead and put forward an answer of yes. Why? Let's take a look.

Phobias:

1) Heights - I feel that this particular one has got completely out of hand, I even feel sick on hills and escalators. In fact, on a recent hill walking trip in the lake district I was only a few deep breaths away from freezing up and sobbing on the top of one particularly high and steep slope.

2) Needles. Let's just say that after seeing the syringe pit in Saw II I was found with my head between my knees to stop myself from fainting. I may be 20 years old but I will act like a 5 year old whenever I require an injection. Yes I have two tattoos, but those needles don't looks scary, because they don't look like needles to me.

3) Sharks - (water.) I don't like seeing or touching pictures of sharks and I never go in the sea. Pools are ok, but I still get nervous in the deep end.

4) Waxworks/mannequins. Horrible, they're like dead bodies. I can deal with shop mannequins because they're usually not too realistic. As long as I'm not alone with one or see one where I'm not expecting then I'm ok. Historical waxworks in museums and exhibitions freak me out. Probably because I once watched a goosebumps episode where they came to life and tried to kill the kids. The trouble is, I really enjoy museums and historical exhibitions so I have to send someone in ahead of me to warn me about any that might be in the next room. If they're behind glass I can stay in the room for a small while and look at the other stuff, but if they're loose I just have to run through without looking. Pathetic, I know.

So those are my phobias and I try and keep them in line so they don't stop me doing things. I did manage a high ropes course in the summer, despite wanting to cry all the way round. I just want to be able to do these things without the paralysing feeling that comes with them. I do get injections and I have given blood but I will never feel comfortable with needles or be able to watch them in use on tv without wanting to throw up. Eugh, makes my skin crawl.

Unfortunately those are not all. They are my phobias, but I have a number of other fears which I probably worry about more than your average person.

1) Sexual assault - hence the self defence classes. I also have a rape alarm, but I feel I need more and as mace is illegal in the UK I guess being able to pack a punch is the next best thing. Whenever I have to walk in the dark alone I am usually terrified. I hate being home alone and will insist on checking that doors are locked even when I'm with other people. I am aware that constantly fearing attack, even in my own home is pretty ridiculous, but hey, better safe than sorry.

2) Murder. Pretty much the same as above. Especially being stabbed. Is wearing a stab vest to the supermarket too much?

3) Kidnap. As above. I'm definitely thinking self defence is something I should invest in.

4) Car accidents. I used to get nervous on planes, but then someone told me that you are more likely to die in a car crash than a plane crash. Now I sit back and enjoy flying, but get nervous when people I love haven't contacted me after they've driven somewhere. ALSO, wear seatbelts people. Man, I hate it when people don't belt up behind me on coaches. Thanks for putting your comfort before my life.

5) Any terminal illness or disease. I know that everyone is scared of these, but I think I take it to the next level. If I had my way I'd have a monthly health check to make sure I haven't got anything serious. (Obviously without needles though.)

6) Someone setting my house on fire. Fairly self explanatory.

6) Most of all I'm scared of any of the above happening to people I love.

If you would like to be as paranoid as me, make sure you watch as many horror films and murder mysteries as possible. If you never want to feel safe, even in your own bed, don't miss Paranormal Activity 1 and 2. Invest in a rape alarm and remember to split up cards and cash between your pockets and bag so any mugger will hopefully not get it all. If you want to carry something that can be used as a weapon then make sure it has another use or you'll get done by the police. Remember that anything you carry on you could also be turned against you by an attacker. Lock all your doors, check the batteries in your smoke alarm, research prices of bullet proof glass, stab vests and self defence classes. Wear sun cream. Skin cancer affects non-gingers too you know. Aaand seat belts. (Rude not to.)

You can thank me later.

ETA: I watched Katie: My Beautiful Face (available on 4od) and realised that I have the same level of fear as someone who has survived an acid attack. Watching her lock and check the doors and windows in her home and talk about wearing protective clothing was like looking in a mirror. Pretty sure I'm bordering on neurotic now. To be fair I'm not (and never will be) a model/TV presenter and therefore will hopefully never be in a position where I'm tempted to date a stalker but don't worry, I won't let that stop me being scared of it nonetheless. All joking aside, I need to sort my life out.

For the first time ever I am ashamed to be a Glasgow University student. This is due to the fact that my status as a student at the University of Glasgow might affiliate me with the brats who currently occupy the Hetherington building, or as they like to call it 'The Free Hetherington,' as apparently their occupation of it, preventing it being turned into music and art facilities for students, makes it free.

If you have seen the news you may well be aware that yesterday, 22nd March 2011, police were called to evict these student protesters as they had been asked to leave by the university because their protest was no longer peaceful. The police gave the occupiers a choice, to walk out or be forcibly removed. They chose the latter. Now they're whining about police brutality and suchlike, even though all evidence I have seen shows the police acting perfectly suitably for the situation, in fact I comment Strathclyde police on their handing if the situation. I happened to be in an English Literature tutorial when they were evicted and so heard them shouting as they marched up University Avenue to the main building. This disrupted our tutorial as a girl in my class was trying to give a presentation. It makes me so angry that these clowns think that they represent the main body of Glasgow uni students and that they think they have the right to disrupt the rest of us who are trying to learn. As an English student I already pay fees so I'd like to get my moneys worth thank you very much.

To make matters worse, when they arrived in the main building they tried to occupy rooms within there to continue their ridiculous protest against cuts. The university then allowed them to return to the Hetherington. I am shocked and appalled at this! How can we give in to the temper tantrums of a few spoilt, immature brats and think that they represent the main student body? I urge the university to get these disruptive demonstrators out once and for all because, quite frankly I am sick of the "free" Hetherington and do not wish our reputable university to be associated with a childish minority who waste police time and resources.

The occupation at Glasgow uni does not receive any sympathy from me whatsoever. There is a deficit that needs to be dealt with, cuts need to be made and in all honesty I'd rather see pretentious losers like those at the Hetherington reach into their pocket and pay for their education than see DLA and pensions suffer. From what I've seen, these students deserve to pay fees because they just don't know how lucky they are. Maybe if they hadn't wasted a vote on Lib Dem then we'd all be a tiny bit better off. How can they think that acting like spoilt brats is going to get them what they want? Meanwhile, the people who risk losing their DLA are ignored because they're not having temper tantrums on the streets and attacking police. No-one is fighting for them because everyone is too busy watching the students kick up a fuss, well I for one refuse to let them be ignored! Put my fees up if you want Mr. Cameron, but please don't cut my sister's DLA, or anyone else's who needs it for that matter.

The students at the Hetherington have also created an event on facebook urging all students to support the UCU strike tomorrow by not using university facilities. Well, I have a report due on Friday that requires me to use minitab which I can only access in university facilities so I will be crossing the picket lines whether you like it or not. I am also less than sympathetic for the cause as it has lead to a lecture being cancelled that was going to be on a text that I had wished to use for my English exam. I'm sick of all these strikes that claim to be in the best interest of students, they do nothing but disrupt my day and waste my tuition fees. Sort it out Glasgow.

It's actually quite difficult to write this.

I'm not sure if this will be published. I'll have to think very hard. The reason I'm unsure about posting this is because I'm worried that my families would see it and be upset. By no means am I trying to upset anyone but I feel I need to say this. To explain. Usually when I write about being adopted, I do so anonymously, but right now I feel it's important that I'm honest.

I was relinquished for adoption shortly after my birth. I lost my mother, my father, my brother and my sister... I gained a wonderful adoptive family. Two parents who loved me from the day they met me and have stood by me and supported me throughout my life and later, an adopted sister who I would move mountains for. I am grateful that I have a lovely family, that I have always known the truth about my adoption, that as a UK adoptee I have had access to my original birth certificate and that I am now in successful reunion with my natural family. I am grateful for all these things. I am not grateful to have been adopted.

People, mainly stupid people, or those who don't stop to think about what being adopted entails, have told me to be grateful that I'm adopted. That I was 'taken in', that I have a family despite being an illegitimate ginger kid, that I was 'chosen.' Apparently I'm bitter if I say anything other than how wonderful life as an adoptee is. Most of these people have no real knowledge or experience of adoption and probably think that my mother dumped me in a care home and my adoptive parents wandered in and picked me out of a line up. This is not what happened. My mother who is and will continue to be a great inspiration for me, made a plan and entrusted me to two people who promised to love and care for me all my life. My adoptive parents did not chose me from a home, but were matched as suitable for me after being approved to adopt. I am not a puppy. I am not from a rescue home and I object to being compared to an animal.

This probably sounds like a happy ever after. Why shouldn't I be grateful? Well, I'm not. No more than non-adopted people are for being born. Do I deserve to live less than them? No. I am not grateful that my mother couldn't keep and raise me herself. Sorry to disappoint you. Growing up as an adoptee is tough. I have missed my natural family my whole life. This is not any fault of my adoptive family, this is just what being adopted is about. Adoption begins with loss. When a child loses a parent to death, it is not unsuitable for them to mourn, even if they gain a step-parent in later life. I can, I have and I always will love two mothers and two fathers and all the siblings and nephews and nieces life throws at me because love isn't limited or defined by genetics. And at the same time I have and I will continue to grieve for the life that could have been. The life with my natural family.

Sometimes I want to scream because hardly anyone can understand. Sometimes people slip up and make a stupid comment and if I respond I must be the dramatic adopted kid. She's bringing that up again. Hasn't she got over it yet. She completely over reacts when people leave. She always needs to be told that she's missed and loved.

Yes I do over react. Yes, I will bring it up again. I am sorry. I truly am. I realise how selfish I must seem and I don't mean for it to be like this. It's not all about me, but it is. I was that baby who had no choice, no say and no part in the events that lead up to my adoption. I have grown up away from my natural family, in the knowledge that they were out there and having to come to terms with that fact they they couldn't be a part of my life until I was older, or maybe not at all. And now, I am in control. I'm in reunion and I'm telling you how I feel. I'm telling you that adoption isn't perfect. It gave me a chance but I lost an awful lot for that chance. I won't encourage any mother to give up her baby for adoption because it should only be a last resort. I will tell potential adoptive parents the reality of being an adoptee and I will continue to express my disgust at sealed records, the baby-buying business, Brad and Angelina's saviour complex, Madonna's saviour complex and all the rich people in the world who think it's good to separate mothers and children when for the money they pay for that baby they could help families to stay together. I don't care whose toes I step on. I won't let children be treated as commodities.

I'm not asking for sympathy, or attention. I mean only to offer some sort of explanation for myself. I can be very angry, I can be very emotional. To other adoptees, I am sort of normal, but the rest of the world can find me hard to understand. I can't keep explaining. I can't. I can't deal with that awkward silence when someone asks why I'm upset and I have to tell them I'm adopted. Even as I say it, I can see them thinking, thinking that I'm ungrateful, wondering how I missed a mother I can't consciously remember, not taking me seriously, not knowing what to say. There is nothing to say.

I love my adoptive family. I love my natural family. I blame no-one for what happened and I understand why. But I'm still upset. I am adopted. I am a lovechild, a bastard, lost and found, wanted and cherished and missed and loved and loved and loved. I know I am not the only one to have been hurt in this world and by no means have I suffered the most. I'm telling you this, I'm writing this because I want you to understand, to try and understand. I'm really trying. Because I want to be the best daughter I can be for the mother that adopted me and the mother who lost me. Because I want to be the best sister I can be for the sibling I grew up with and the siblings I am getting to know. Perhaps I want to prove that I can be something good even though this happened to me. I want to heal, I want to be happy. But I still want to educate the world. Adoption is about children and I was that child. This is my voice.

The Broken Of Britain.

You may have missed this amongst the bratty student protests and the outrage against the coalition governments proposed cuts, but there are a large number of British people who are going to suffer far more, should this proposition go through.

The government are currently planning on cutting the mobility component of Disability Living Allowance, meaning that many people in residential care homes will be unable to get out and about. As a sister of someone with a hemiplegia, I have seen first hand how the smallest of everyday tasks can be a real challenge, even with a mild disability. Therefore, I am disgusted to think that our government would consider cutting the help for those who need it most. Disability Living Allowance, or DLA is a benefit paid to disabled people under the age of 65, to support them with their care and mobility needs. For many, it provides vital support that would be otherwise unable to afford.

The Broken of Britain is a disabled people's campaign to fight for the rights of disabled people and against hate crime. One Month Before Heartbreak is an event they are hosting to try and raise awareness for the government proposal. On 14th February 2011, there will be a consultation about disability reform. We all need to pull together to show our support for those who will be hit with the cuts, and to show our disapproval of the proposed cuts.

Disabled people can't easily march round London in protest. They're not ripping flags off the cenotaph or assaulting police officers, but they are going to suffer should the DLA reform let them down. Are we, the people privileged enough not to need DLA going to let this happen? Are we going to stand by and watch the student temper tantrum about tuition fees but ignore the plight of those who are far more vulnerable?

Please sign the petition at: http://www.petitiononline.co.uk/petition/petition-the-minister-for-disabled-people-to-recall-the-public-consultation-on-dla-reform/569/0aa4fc2026635b34c32b57a1e644d746

Follow 'The Broken Of Britain' on facebook and twitter to stay updated and to show your support for the campaign and visit: http://thebrokenofbritain.blogspot.com/ and http://onemonthbeforeheartbreak.blogspot.com/ for more information.